In Erfworld, Questmas observes YOU!

All the Hoovers in Hooverville liked Questmas a lot,

But the caster who lived up in Fort Knocks did not.

There was no profit for him in their revels,

Nor in their belief that “Love levels all levels.”

 

Once every three-hundred, sixty-odd turns,

He remembered his partner, J.K. Marley Maud Burns,

And how she’d go down to collect their returns.

“You owe us,” she’d say to the Hooverville Hoovers,

Never once getting fooled by their Hoover maneuvers.

“We need an extension! We’re shmuckerless - broke!”

“Well, get busy earnin’, or get busy croakin’!”

She’d say, as she’d hit one with a well-aimed Hoboken.

 

“Keep up with your upkeep, or I’ll keep it up for you -

The Harvest is coming.” “But, Maud Burns, I implore you!”

“No dice,” she’d reply, “My partner won’t stand for it.

If you’re going to be poor, then you should have planned for it.

Besides,” she would add, “I’ve got to be going, yeah?

And if I don’t see you, it’s not been nice knowing ya.”

 

‘That was the era, and those were the turns!’

Thought the caster - the partner of Marley Maud Burns.

‘Before Questmas got hold of those Hooverville suckers,

How easy it was to part them and their shmuckers!’

 

So went the thoughts of Maud Burns’ partner, the rude

And cantankerous caster, the one they called, “Scrood.”

 Old Scrood made his profits from Hooverville’s warring -

And while they were fighting, he was comfortably snoring,

Or counting his gems (until falling asleep)

In the triple-safe building that was Fort Knocks’s Keep.

 

For Scrood earned his interest on high-return lending

To sides that were none-too-sharp with their spending

But were sharp with their words, and sharper with actions:

The Electroluck, Hoover, and Dirt Devil factions.

 

These neighboring sides fought each other incessantly,

Until, unexpectedly, one of them pleasantly

Posted a notice on the other sides’ doors:

“We are closing for Questmas. Any unresolved wars

Will be handled thereafter. Thank you for your patience.

 --Electroluck’s Luther (Diplomatic Relations).”

 

And--just like that!--all three took a break:

The Hoovers in Hooverville stayed home and had cake.

The Dirt Devils suspected foul play, but they waited,

And as ‘Luck would have it, the conflict abated,

And not one of the three sides another invaded.

 

And so, the tradition--a cessation of violence--

Began, and soon after, “A Moment of Silence”

Was added, to round out the tradition’s observance

And each Ruler honored it, and so did their servants.

 

Out on the front, a Knight from her bench

Would stand up, and climb on up out of her trench

And walk, without speaking, to the sides’ common ground

To meet an opponent with nary a sound,

And there, make eye-contact, and nod, and sit down -

Til the “Silent Knight” story was heard all the world ‘round.

 

Up in Fort Knocks, Scrood heard it quite clearly -

Though at first he denied it, and said, “It was merely

A passing fancy,” and “not worth the mention.”

But when it repeated, well, that got his attention!

 

“What kind of moron,” the old man would scoff,

“Decides that in War, you can just take ‘Time Off’?”

But no matter his scorn, his contempt, and denial,

“Questmas off” would be sticking around for a while.

Comments

  • HighJumper

    Some pun wordplay, and the few rhymes and odd lines out that I didn't exactly rock with were more than made up for by the sheer inventiveness of the whole mishmash. I particularly enjoyed your take on how the World War truce to sing Silent Night might have happened in Erfworld.