Erfworld Book1 Part 2- the strategy game play by play
Link to part 1 here.
101 – Hmm, interesting thing. Enemy commander doesn’t completely hate my character. Or our side. He is hostile, but not 100% hostile, more like 60% hostile. He hates Stanley but not us. Maybe I can work with that. And... I botched it at the introduction. First he got pissed at my title, then I asked him what the Royalty is all about and he went mental! Getting back to “Piss him off, divide and conquer via diplomacy” plan. Wait, is that Maggie’s juice level? Why is it going down?
102 – And, it failed. I succeeded at pissing him off part but not divide and conquer one, because Maggie’s juice ran out. Turns out, only with Charlie you get unlimited diplomacy, probably as an effect of his artefact. Got side quest from Stanley, fix da Foolamancer. No wonder his veils were not good. Calling him by name might help, except I do not know his name! It was in one of the options I gave up for extra skill points, unit stats ability! Why you do this to me game devs? *Le sigh*
103 – Cut to another unskippable cutscene. Effects of my smack talk are visible as well as more romantic drama. Enemy team will gun for Stanley and without Foolamancer, things could get really nasty! Gotta hurry with the side quest I guess.
104 – Enemy fliers in our airspace! But wait, it can’t be the main attack. Stanley should have enough troops to defend himself from this rabble. I decide to save our air defences and let them fly over. But wait, who’s this? It’s SSL Wanda! She is back and she is talking with the Jill, something about all that prisoner brainwashing debacle.
105 – The warlord Jill thinks Wanda is under loyalty spell and offers her to turn. One of those archons dissuades her of that notion, telling her there is no spell. Wanda says some magic words and… Holy pyrotechnics, guys!
106 – Cue to air defence tutorial. Now, if I didn’t do the optional quest to fix Wanda, I could have saved those air defences for later and it might have been harder battle to learn the mechanics then. As is, this was awesome and easy. Wasteful, but awesome!
107 – Enemy fliers go pop. Cut to enemy team reaction. They are starting the attack in tunnels! Gotta prepare to defend my city.
108 – Talking with Wanda first. About the air defences and what happened with prisoner and all. After the talk, she is selectable as a GK unit. Holy crap, look at her level! Got side quest and did it immediately, learning spell casting mechanics of the Croakamancer: uncroak enemy units and prepare for battle.
109 – Looked at the logbook again. More info about city defensive zones and what happens when city falls and what needs to happen to make it fall in the first place. Scary stuff.
110 – Enemy fliers went after Stanley, only they were a lot fewer fliers now! Looked at logbook, saw what happens if Stanley dies; got worried. Good thing Wanda fired all those defences! Enemy ends turn.
111 – Speak of the devil… Enemy’s vampire spymaster talks with his ruler. Apparently, now they do not have enough fliers to take down Stanley! Unfortunately, it seems like new alliance is in order. Charlescomm archons, more vampires, tigers and bears and lions, oh my!
112 – Talking strategy with my casters (under my orders, Sizemore let enemy deep into tunnels in preparation for trap) when suddenly Charlie sends me a message via logbook, which is internal communication only! After a short time to panic, I got into negotiation with Charlie. It… it might not end well. Enemy moves siege to the walls.
113 – Another cutscene, enemy recaping his strategic situation and preparing to attack next turn. Messed with the chat filter some more, slowly learning what I can say and what is censored.
114 – Talking with Sizemore some more. Turns out the guy is actual pacifist! In strategy game! The same guy which pwned marbits so hard is a pacifist. Game devs keep surprising me, pleasantly. +1 for them.
I never expected my units to act so much like people.
115 – Talked with SSL Wanda about strategic situation. Said my doubts about Charlie’s terms. I do not like them at all. I owe him mathamancy calculations. He actually asked for a calculation of how many archons are needed to take over the city. Those things are scary… 14 are not enough to take the city but twice that... I’m in trouble. Wanda laughs at Hamster’s sorry arse.
116 – Whoo boy. Enemy vampires end their turn. Healing mechanics, thinkamancers can fix certain magical ailments and effects like tiredness and headache. Charlescomm didn’t ally with the vampires thanks to my diplomacy. Unfortunately, he sent exact number of archons to take us over and offered Hamster to surrender to him by using logbook. That guy is almost as scary as those flying chicks he fields. Hah, flying chicks.
117 – Some quick and scary diplomacy later and I dissuade AI from attacking. He wants the artifact and Hamster but is ready to wait for it after spending a calculation. Now he is just there, in my airspace, ready to assist enemy if needed.
118 – Rations popped and I finished my magical sword. Got boost to some stats that I am not certain I need boosting, like leadership, combat and ruthlessness?! And there’s also an easter egg from devs. They knew some players will do something stupid like removing basic skills for more skill points, so they made items and sent them to my character to help him do without those skills. Dev team thinks of everything!
119 – Cutscene, unskippable. You know the drill. Thanks to my clever diplomacy, enemy team has only some of their original fliers and vampires and bats. No scary archons, though, they are all in my airspace. They are not gunning for Stanley, which is good. Some more backstory, about Jill and Jack, our Foolamancer. So I order Maggie to call our Foolamancer to return his sanity, trying to finish the sidequest before the fight.
120 – Talked with Jack, started fixing his mental state. Meanwhile, Sizemore started with traps and things in the tunnels. Enemies will burn!
121 – I am not sure I fixed Jack, there was no *Sidequest finished ding sound!* but I can’t find sidequest among active or finished. It’s only in all sidequests, but without status. Weird. Probably building suspense or something. Started tunnel fighting, gobwins and Sizemore and golems vs marbits, giant lizards, human stabbers and leadership. This is hard, but I manage for now.
122 – Aaaaand, I jinxed it. Stanley meets the ambush and there’s some cryptic talk with Foolamancer, Jack Snipe. But there is no stopping now, we’re punching through!
123 – Sizemore is in trouble, enemy leadership stack has found him. Sending KISS, hobgobwin knights and giant spiders into tunnels. Cavalry is coming, Sizemore. Cavalry is coming! Meanwhile… Crap! That’s a whole lotta bat and the vampires are also starting that dance fighting they were talking about ages ago. It gives boost to units. But, Stanley is not to be trifled with. There’s his own artifact bonus, the power of the Hammer cannot be denied! Rock ON! Lightning out! Let’s fight! P.S. Game soundtrack is awesome. +1
124 – Meanwhile at the tunnels, Sizemore is in trouble! He is alone vs two warlords, but… Wait a second. I remembered the magic tutorial. Some juice spent and it’s now heavy metal golem and a Dirtamancer vs two squishy humans. Wait, did I just kill Dora the explorer? Never mind, victory in the tunnels! Yay!
125 – Oh dear. Remember when I said that sending dragons vs bats was overkill? Well, let me just say that it USUALLY is. Unlead bats are really weak. But, if you stack them with warlord, they are like flying basic infantry. And if there is chief warlord in the hex, they are like advanced infantry. And if they are stacked with Chief Warlord they are like heavies, like those gwiffon things. And there’s shit ton of bats in here and there are like eleven warlords and guess what one of those warlords is? You guessed it, Chief Warlord of Transylvito, the vampire boss. And he is hard to hit, my dragons are dying, my dragonriders are dying and then he went straight for Stanley… In panic, I used the full power of the Hammer, one special skill called Van de Graaf which temporary uses all of Tool energy, with hour long cooldown. And damn was it close! And A-we-some!!!
126 – Oh crap. No more Tool energy, but much less bats in the air. That Jill warlord is gunning for Stanley now and it is just dragon fire and basic Stanley hammer attacks to fight her off. Those basic attacks have 25% chance to turn birds into fruit on hit and I’ve never though I’ll say this but thank gods for that! In desperation, I select Jack and choose to cast a veil. Nothing good happens, as usual. I don’t know what I expected. The difference is Jack’s juice started going down at steady rate after that. Weird. I fight some more, but it is hopeless… And, the dragon is down, Stanley ejects, there’s Jack with him, I’m in a lot of trouble now… Wait, what?! Where did they go?
127 – I am not the only one who is asking that question; the enemy is looking for Stanley too! His stack lost his bonus, the battle is still on but without Stanley and his bonus the dragons and dragonriders are going to die very fast; good thing enemy is focused on Stanley and is just doing token effort of eradicating the rest of my forces. I try to select Stanley and the foolamancer and succeed but I can’t order him to stack back with dragons; in fact, I can’t even see him. It’s probably a bug in the game. Foolamancer’s juice is still ticking down, though. Battle for the city is not going so good… I might as well select everyone still living and send them back to the city. You know, I’ll do just that… Wait? What?!
128 - I think I just… made a moral choice? Stanley is coming back, he can stack again and enemy team has no move to follow. I still have no idea what happened with that Foolamancer, Jack, but I do not have time to think about that. Time to use my other caster, SSL Wanda. I have a choice between getting a few dozen strong uncroaked which would last a few turns or a few hundred weakest uncroaked which would last just a single turn. The enemy has enormous numerical superiority; longer lasting uncroaked won’t mean anything if it is game over next turn, so I choose to uncroak everyone! And I mean eeeeevery ONE! Even Hamster cracks a joke to Maggie about my choice.
129 – Planning the battle, more info about the garrison zones in the logbook. It sucks having a pacifist as one of your casters and warlords but I have no choice but send him to battle; it lowers his opinion of Hamster every time I order Sizemore to fight and croak enemies. So, I prepare my troops for defence as best as I can and wait for enemy attack. End turn.
130 – Enemy turn starts and… Sigh. Of course. Unskippable cutscene. We didn’t have one of THOSE in a while :(. Enemy takes a long, hard look at my defences and decides to attack the outer walls, where most of my freshly uncroaked soldiers are. The same soldiers that were his soldiers last turn and I had Sizemore croak in the tunnels; we shall see what he is planning to do, my defences the strongest there!
131 – Whoa! Level 10 chief warlord with artifact bonus, forgot about that; he is actually making a dent against my unlead uncroaked infantry while the enemy siege engines are damaging my outer walls. And the arse is taunting me while he does it! This cannot go unpunished.
132 – Unfortunately, the only units that can reach Ansom are my fliers. And Charlie is controlling the airspace as his flying chicks are constantly reminding me by using taunts at Hamster. Time for some quick diplomacy… and Charlie lets my units pass as long as I do not touch his units! Here I come, here I go! SSL Wanda, uncroaked leadership and uncroaked fliers are on the way, with Wanda’s direct bonus! I use a “rhyme-omancy” buff, spending a bit of Wanda’s juice for even more precision and strength bonuses and it is awesome! I didn’t know she could do that.
133 – And SSL Wanda is prodding buttocks and taking names. Seems like croakamancer leading the uncroaked nullifies the artifact bonus. Ansom the Royal Brat is going down! Time to get that enemy artifact and fulfil one of my long-standing missions! Go Wanda go. Go Wanda go. And, he is disarmed and on the ground! Wait, what’s this?! One of Charlie’s chicks just went near the fallen enemy and is talking to the warlord. She is not necessarily helping him, but this is weird. Yet I will not be denied! Go, brave flying zombies! Go Wanda! Go forth and conquer!
134 – The archon is still talking with Ansom and… They can do that?! Charlie just went from neutral back to hostile! How? What?! You mean, AI sides can also do diplomacy in the middle of the battle? Really?! Wait… Oh crap. Oh, this is not good, the scary magical girly monsters… Yup. Dear viewers, weather forecast for the airspace this turn: Complete saturation of the airspace with the offensive magic, with occasional occurrence of crashing thunder and the brilliant flashes of light. And showers of body parts of my units, because the battle has begun and only one can win this fight. Bracelet signs from a couple turns ago point to Charlie being That One. And now, we’re returning to your regular broadcast. Wanda is down, alone, heavily wounded and incapacitated, so close to victory just a few moments ago. Why you do this to me, Charlie? I thought we had a deal, an understanding?!
135 – Hamster agrees, Charlie is a boophole. Btw, I really need to find that profanity filter. But no time to look for that now, gotta save SSL Wanda! Now that she is on the ground, in the courtyard, I can send Sizemore to help her. I might not be quick enough, the enemy is approaching fast! Wanda can’t cast, she can’t fight but… she can talk. One of those special extra game choices I got for spending points at Intelligence and Wisdom for Hamster and it’s the only choice. So I let her speak. Her words to Ansom are weird and spooky. “Touch me. Come down. Touch me with them.” Wanda says to the warlord, pointing to and speaking about the Titanic Artifact, the Pliers. Ansom is spooked out enough for my heavy metal golems to arrive and he leaves, not necessarily outnumbered by the metallic cavalry.
136 – After saving SSL Wanda, Sizemore chats to me about taking her to the dungeon and that she has healomancy scrolls in her private stash there. Asks for more orders, walls or Wanda? I do a few quick calculations, tell him to go to dungeons and fix Wanda. Uncroaked are harder to control without Croakamancer leading them so I busy myself planning battle and fighting. Wait a second, scrolls? Healomancy scrolls? Private stash? What to hell? Did I miss something in here? Sending Hamster to dungeons to see for himself, him and the other units in the room. This might be interesting.
137 – And, I messed up. I treated this game like a regular hybrid real-time/Turn-based strategy. Turns out (hah!) it is much deeper than that. Every unit in the whole side has an inventory! Every unit has items, every room in the city has storage spaces, including the dungeons! And it’s my fault I didn’t notice it sooner: I used those skill points used to show me that about units for Large advantage. Also, remember that thingy SSL Wanda used during torture session with Jill before I started skipping? That’s a magical scroll. Casters can create and put the scroll in their inventory and select „Use“ later; it allows casters to cast spells from other disciplines. Sizemore the Dirtamancer used Healomancy scroll on Wanda to patch her up, which is completely different discipline, with no ill effects. Well, these scrolls belong to SSL Wanda. I asked her why she didn’t tell me about them, Wanda shrugs it off; I skipped the part about scrolls in dungeon tutorial. It explicitly asked me whether I want to learn that and I chose „Skip“. But how can I explain that to a bunch of NPC’s? When I try, Hamster goes into an extended rant about strategy and planning instead.
138 – The rant finally ends and it improves morale of the units around Hamster. I also get a hint about force multipliers of leadership and other things and importance of targeting those, which, pffft!, I already know, thank you very much. I learned that the hard way when my dragons easily slaughtered unlead units and got utterly killed when enemy lvl 10 warlord started leading them. So, I open the inventory of all the casters in the room and divide the scrolls between them, in the way I think would be the most useful. There are some hints that thinkamancer using thinkamancy scrolls increases their efficiency; shockamancy and dirtamancy also play nicely. No wonder game devs got pissed at my cheating; with these scrolls, it would have been easy enough to win before. Now, this is going to be hard even with them because those archons are scary. I position my forces and, you guessed it, select I’m ready and another unskippable cutscene shows up, showing enemy leader, Ansom (another translation mistake, now that I think about it. Probably should have been Awesome) positioning his forces and ordering them to attack.
139 – The attack has started and I have control of my units again. And I focus leadership stack with Sizemore. Do you know what happens when you combine shockamancy scroll and crap golem? Awesome happens. That’s all I’m going to say about that.
140 – While the enemy is starting to fight my frontline guys, Hamster stands in the back and does a small talk with... Bogroll, I think? The unit that looks like Hamster, only olive green. Anyway, I order him to defend Hamster and croak anyone that comes near. Anyway anyway, after the Hamster talk with his subordinates about force multipliers, I went looking around for those. Found that thing that was hinted about in cutscene and enemy did and I countered with the Titanic Hammer Power of Rock, called “dance fighting“. It looks sweet, almost too good to be true; that option gives a lot of bonuses to uncroaked when SSL Wanda is the one leading them and they are slightly enhanced if she is dressed the part. I wanted to try that since Stanley almost got croaked by enemy team doing it; it’s payback time. And the thing is, the enemy forces can’t dance fight, almost all of their dancers were sent into the pass and Dah Pliers do not have the Power of Rock, that is not one of their abilities. How do you like them apples, Ansom?
141 – Enemy got wise to my tactic of focusing leadership and special units. It is sending unlead infantry now, right into my uncroaked forces. With SSL Wanda’s leadership, we’re dancing on their graves! And archons can’t do anything to help, because it is not their turn and I don’t have anything in airspace. Mwahahahaha, this is so much fun! Much easier than I though it would be, to tell you the truth. Almost... too easy.
And... I jinxed it. Ansom flies to the blue glowing chicks on a magic carpet ride, speaks to them for a while, then goes back to his forces before I can stop him. Dance dance revolution interface shows up right above the Hamster’s head and Ansom starts dancing. Boop you Charlie, you boophole! Why you keep doing this to me?!
142 – Turns out, lots of archons can outdance SSL Wanda *cries*. I try to focus them (with shockamancy, scrolls and remaining air defence, don’cha know) and destroy their buff and bonuses, succeed temporarily but fail in the end, because there are so many archons in the air that replace the fallen ones. Without other leaders I can focus and only lvl 10 Ansom as their leadership and dance fighting, they are beating my Large advantage arse. I do not know what to do to turn this around. Then Maggie reports that she is out of scrolls and asks for orders, which is bad. Then Bogroll reports that our walls have fallen, which is worse! Wait, Maggie? Bogroll? Hmmm, there’s a special option involving those two and a scroll... Worth a shot, I guess. I order Wanda to retreat to the dungeon zone (using safety dance! ha) and choose the Maggie + Bogroll + special scroll option, out of pure desperation. When fighting fails, it’s time for some diplomacy, I reckon.
143 – Screw this, I am not going to use Maggie’s juice for diplomacy. I’ll have more uses for her juice than that. So I use logbook chat and talk with boophole Charlie. After some banter, he agrees to tell Ansom that I’m willing to surrender. Charlie doesn’t believe that is true, btw (which it is not. It’s a lie for Ansom), but does not care and is ey okey with setting my trap for me. You can always trust a mercenary to be a mercenary, you can always trust an arse to be an arse. Thank you so much Charlie.
144 – So, my plan goes off without a hitch, I order Bogroll to attack and it goes to a cutscene, victorious me. It really should not have worked, those sneaky Archons can see spells. And... later in the cutscene game devs wink at me, to show they DO think about everything and say: „You’re goddamn right, son.“ and explain why it worked: Ansom didn’t pay for spell security in his negotiations with Charlie. Seems like I’m not the only one getting messed up by Charlie's machinations. It’s the little things that make a difference, sometimes. Like spell security. And it’s those little touches, that attention to details that makes me appreciate this game.
145 – Hamster finds out Bogroll is dead. He leveled twice, but they got him in the end. Hamster takes a huge morale hit, which pisses me off. Come on, Bogroll was not that important, dude! Still, if it means so much to you... I’ll make the whole sity a tombstone for Bogroll. He would have loved that, the big ole lunk. I select Sizemore, select defensive tunnel destruction and go to work on the city, trying to build it in Bogroll’s image. It all collapses after a while, killing lots of enemies in the process but leaving dungeon intact. Not enough city left for tombstone now. Bummer!
146 – Ordering units around, trying to protect Hamster and friends. Turns out, I didn’t croak enough enemy units. Tried to buff morale a bit, with inspiring talk. „The last of the last stands“, that sort of thing. Did some more calculations when this enemy unit just bursts in and tries to attack Hamster! Apparently, calculations and talking are not the free actions like I thought they were. Color me surprised. I pause the game, stack my units with Hamster and order them to defend. And we win, but it was a close thing. I order my casters to retreat to the dungeon, where it is safer. I try the inspiring speech again before that; it makes me chuckle. “The last of the last of the last stands.“ YyyyeeEAAAAhhhh indeed! +1 from me. But as cool as it is, calculations do not lie. I’m going to lose. So, I’ll just fight until the end then load previous save.
147 – I just remembered: my casters do not have to die. I sort of like the little people, Sizemore, Maggie... Even SSL Wanda. I’ll send them to safety of the Magic Kingdom then let Hamster die fighting even worse odds. When I offer them that option, they are not to happy about it. In fact, they tell Hamster something like: „Really warlord? You’re going to give up on your first mission? Seriously?“ Well, yes. What else can I do? But, before I lose and load a previous save, I’m going to experiment a bit. I mean, I do have a thinkamancer. When Lookamancer and Foolamancer were linked, I got awesome map and no fog of war. I wonder what will happen if I link Croakamancer and Dirtamancer?I mean, I know it’s dangerous, but what do I have to lose, right? Maybe they can raise terracotta army of undead or something, to even the odds. What’s the worst thing that could happen?
148 – As it turns out, psychedelic and awesome things happen. I see a bunch of gems, worth a lot of cash. And my casters have a chat and decide to uncroak a volcano, by making the mountain heart beat. Oh, wait...
149 – What am I going to do now?! We’re all going to die in a fire! Ok, I can break a link, it’s an option, but there’s a backlash, either Maggie takes it or SSL Wanda and Sizemore take it... boop it. Boop it all. You’re going to Magic Kingdom linked fellows, I do not want the repeat of Misty incident. Go! I set you free! I’ll have to reload the game anyway! Too bad Hamster can’t follow them. Wait, logbook just chimed. Charlie asks what’s going on. I tell the jerk the plain truth: Rocks fall, everyone dies. But I’ll be damned if I’ll let Hamster burn. You’ll get the cleaner end, dude. Go! Follow the pretty, shiny casters. Go into the portal and die, go into the light, so I can reload!
150 – This is the greatest losing animation I have ever seen. As Hamster said, „Rock falls, everyone dies“ but in the flashiest, awesome way possible. Wow!
151 – Unskippable cutscene. Enemy team talking about their victory and what are they going to do now. When suddenly, vampire Chief Warlord comes to them and tells them about my volcano trap. Jill gets pissed and almost breaks alliance. Interesting development, but I still lost. Give me back control, game, I want to reload!
152 – They are all grieving for the people my trap croaked, but I do not care much. Apparently, spymaster and flying chick comfort each other. Yadda yadda yadda... reload, please! I’m begging you!
153 – Huh? Hamster is alive and I’m back in control. In the Magic Kingdom! In front of loaded wands! The only thing left for me to try is diplomacy and... He is out, with Vulcan nerve pinch. Wth? I thought that I lost?! Some big girl orders more thinkamancers to unravel the link safely. Must be the Queen of the Magic Kingdom. Or Princess Zelda of the Magic Kingdom, hahaha! I’m so witty!
154 – Very touching cutscene, my Sizemore the pacifist talking with Janis, “Grand Abbie“ of the Hippiemancers (whatever that is). She tells him to follow Hamster in everything so there may be peace, by Hamster breaking the world. Heavy stuff and made even heavier because it is unskippable!
155 – Lord Hamster awakes. This is not a place for warlords (Magic Kingdom is apparently a place for casters and a caster special was too expensive for me. D’uh!) so we must go.
Back to the main map. There is almost nothing left of the Gobwin Knob (city). Of our forces, only a few uncroaked and two Rock golems left. I compliment Sizemore for the job they did and he starts gushing poetic all about it and linking then reveals a gem and the fact that Gobwin Knob (side) is stinking rich now. Trilinks are awesome! But where’s SSL Wanda? I hear her laughter and it is scary.
156 – SSL Wanda has equipped the pliers! She counts as Attuned. Mission finally complete. We’re soon entering the strategy part of the game as compared to RPG/tactical one but there has to be some conversations first. Hamster says something like “I killed everyone”. He feels miffed about it and bad, angsty. SSL Wanda is cool about it, almost happy and giddy. I forgot that she’s a Croakamancer. For her, it is like if she’s a seamstress and Hamster went cloth, materials and yarn shopping then brought it to her. Or a millionaire dad taking a kid to the candy store and saying: “Take whatever you want. I just bought this whole store!“ or something like that. She is happy as a clam about it and it’s scary. I don’t know why she is happy, though. Pliers give bonus when fighting uncroaked and she is a croakamancer; it seems counterintuitive. One of my conversation choices is that I didn’t wish to win like this, which is true. I wanted to win fast and Misty to still be alive. Wanda reveals some of her backstory and says she sacrificed more than me. Then gives an epic “You didn’t wish for this world, Parson Gotti. It wished for you.” And ding ding ding, “True name revealed” achievement unlocked and one of the cheat codes with it.
157 – Called Stanley and Jack. Informed them that the city didn’t fall. They’re coming home. Dawn comes, our turn starts and a fresh dragon pops. Well, that would have been booping useful! Wait, GK’s turn starts?! That means that there are no enemies around. What should I do first? Rebuild the city? Gather the remains of an army? Thankfully, there’s side objective. “Make use of the Pliers“. How?! There are no uncroaked to fight around here, of those that exist, all of them are mine. And there’s the 3 minute time limit! Time limit runs out while I was looking around the battlefield what to use Pliers for. Non-standard game over. Time for try number two. Main menu, reload, loading screen with the hint.
*Sigh* Try 23. I finally did it! And it was so easy, only I was very stupid. I looked around Hamster instead of choosing Wanda and selecting Ansom’s body. Instead of uncroaking him (which I did in tries 5,6,7,8, 17, 18 and 22), you just equip Pliers and use those on Ansom’s body. And as a result, instead of decaying uncroaked warlord, you get something... new. Something glorious! You get Ansom, with his full bonuses and abilities. He doesn’t decay. He doesn’t have upkeep. It’s sweet! I hate the game devs for wasting more than an hour of my time, though.
158 – Mwahahaha. I’ve been laughing my arse off for the last 5 minutes. Classic. Well played game devs! I think they hired psychologists or comedians to design this game. Extremely funny!
So, what happened? Time for a little digression first. Remember the hint system I was talking about? There are hints on loading screens too. Well, one of the hints was, and I quote verbatim: “Auto-Decryption is turned on by default. In some situations, it would be more useful to turn it off and target units one by one.“ and it didn’t mean anything to me because I had no idea what’s auto-decryption. Pay attention, this will be important later :)
So, back to what happened. I equipped glasses on Hamster, checked Ansom’s stats out. Still level 10. Zero upkeeep. Impressive stats. And Hamster can talk with him. Yeah, I’ve got the chance to gloat! Time to use it. So, under the assumption that talking is a free action like logbook chatting and diplomacy are, I spent like 5 minutes talking with Ansom. And one of the later conversation choices is Ansom saying “Together, we will conquer the whole world!“ And my choices are:
- a) Sure dude, whatever. Have you seen Wanda?
- b) Oh, c’mon. “Conquer the world“. Right, with what army?
And then the conversation ends and you’re back in control of Hamster/Player character. So, you can either keep looking at Ansom’s handsome face and empty desolation behind him, or you can turn Hamster around. And... There’s army behind Hamster! Wanda “Auto-decrypts“ the army behind Hamster by default settings! And that’s what decryption means; turn the corpse back into a unit, only on our side, with SSL Wanda’s livery! And the best part is: it was not a cutscene! It is all done by player! +1 game devs.
159 – Some more explanations about decryption. Apparently, SSL Wanda can now decrypt more unit types. Can’t decrypt Bogroll, though. They burned his body thoroughly.
You shall be remembered henchy. *sniff, sigh* I’ll never forget you *sniffle* , you were my best friend, I remember all the things we shared, the pigeon pie with walnuts, everything, I’ll remember your deeds, I'll remember them all as long as I...
Wait, did she just decrypt an archon? Said “wololololo!“ and made her a red chick from a blue chick?! Awesome, neato, cool! I can’t wait to use them OP banshees in battle! They are so op, better even than dwagons! Sweet!
160 – And, before I can do that, guess what? Another unskippable cutscene. More of Wanda’s and Jill’s backstory. And more conversations about loyalty. And Fate. I must have messed up the conversation choices, because SSL Wanda suddenly said that I, Hamster, have lost the battle and will suffer as I follow my Fate. Hamster says he didn’t lose and she returns that I have, and it has just begun for me. Which is true, in a meta sorta way. I lost Misty and a good chunk of my dwagons. And it was just a tutorial campaign and first mission! I should have had twice the army and extra caster after finishing it!
161 – Hamster is sitting on a table overflowing with gems Sizemore has dug out (it was side-mission. I used log shortcut) and is still digging. Hamster can examine the gems while talking with Maggie, which is what he is doing. One of conversation choices is to tell Maggie that he was about to order her to break the link and take backlash on herself. There’s some relationship developing there, with Hamster telling Maggie that he thought she’s a monster... then Maggie apologises and Hamster tells her she is the third biggest one, after him and SSL. Then I ask her more about thinkamancy and ruthlessness. She says thinkamancy is subtle, can’t make a mouse into bulldog or something. Hamster thanks her and walks away from the conversation, deep in thought. He has been taking hit after hit on his morale and personality for a while. I have no idea how to get those loses back.
162 – There’s the rant option in the personality menu. Basically, Hamster stands on the hill with his sword drawn and yells at the clouds, asking Erfworld to smite him or some such. Makes him feel a little better morale wise but it all sounds weird with profanity filter on. Even Hamster hangs a lampshade on it and all the morale he gained got converted into pure rage. It’s the sword’s fault, ruthlessness stat does that to a man, occasionally.
163 – I have a choice to make. Whether I’ll keep the starting sword, with the very OP stats for starting item or throw it into lava. It would be very cool sword, endgame stuff even, but there’s the ruthlessness stat. Ridiculously high % chance (almost 50!)of Hamster going into berserk rage in battle or choosing “Ruthless” choice when making decision. That’s the choice that could be very bad for morale of everyone around him, Hamster included. The game devs had to somehow equalise the stats or nobody would use any other weapons but the starting swords. So they put some diarrhoea sauce on the cake which is ruthlessness sword. Now, people do challenge runs with the starting sword and post it on the tube! I do not want my first run to be a challenge on, but the stats are sweet otherwise. So, decisions, decisions. While I choose, I’ll look through the settings again.
*** 5 minutes later *** I found the fucking profanity filter! I can (and Hamster as my character) finally curse. Sweet fuckin' Titan’s crotch, was it hard to find. Some shitty developer put the profanity filter not in diplomacy settings menu, not in conversation settings menu but in fucking offensive magic menu! W… T… F?! I know cursing is offensive, but seriously, offensive magic?! What a dumbass! I was so happy for finding the option that I decided to make Hamster throw the sword and use the rant option again as he did that. Hamster’s morale went over 100%, so he is feeling extra fine and extremely dandy right now!