Comments on Wayward Sons

Words in a line. All fanfic goes here, Erfworld or otherwise.

Comments on Wayward Sons

Postby BlackHat » Mon May 26, 2014 7:28 pm

Changed the title last minute. I can't believe how its taking to get to the action x.x
BlackHat
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Fri May 23, 2014 11:32 pm

Re: Comments on Wayward Sons

Postby GWvsJohn » Thu May 29, 2014 10:37 am

Enjoying it so far. Bolston is my favorite, hope he sticks around.

One point, in the second post, the first voice refers to him as "Ngen." Is that a typo or a purposeful misspelling/mispronunciation?
GWvsJohn
 
Posts: 571
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 9:52 pm

Re: Comments on Wayward Sons

Postby BlackHat » Mon Jun 02, 2014 12:19 am

My first fanfic so more than a little nervous.

Ngen was a typo, I think i edited the post to fix it. I was playing with names at the time. I almost made the main characer Occam Moto, because I'm dying to get to the mechanic part of the story, where everything is a motor pun, but Occam seems more like a knife character than what I have planned for Chet. I might recycle the character into the gang later, but he's shelved for now.

Boltson is also my favorite. I was so obbsessed with turning Chet into Killer Mc Killer Kill that I didn't really build up his support cast. Boltson is quickly becoming a big part with his Dwawven quest for kingship, and the more it shows up the more I like it. I'm still story boarding so look for new stuff on tuesday.

Thanks for reading and posting feedback.
BlackHat
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Fri May 23, 2014 11:32 pm

Re: Comments on Wayward Sons

Postby Icy » Wed Jun 11, 2014 9:25 pm

Read it. Enjoyed reading it, wished there was more. :P
I like the amount of creativity in this fanfic, did I miss him meeting the other dollymancer(s?), or is this still to happen?
Icy
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jun 02, 2014 12:19 am

Re: Comments on Wayward Sons

Postby BlackHat » Thu Jun 12, 2014 7:55 pm

I used all the data on my phone plan so I have to wait till I find wifi lol. Working on the next battle and prepping for a dramatic war sequence that will tie up chapter one.

Can I get some feedback on the limits of a dollamancers power? It looks like he can make magic items which can cross into every other branch of magic except life, I know that a turnamancer was involved in the creation of haffatons Riverboat, but what about flying craft? If a dollamnacer makes jet packs, why not larger jets, for a flying craft?

You will notice that I tend to run my magic spells on the strong side. I'm about to introduce enemy casters and they are no less over powered than those of tri county.
Id like to touch upon the other members of court as well, but I have a war to plan first.
BlackHat
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Fri May 23, 2014 11:32 pm

Re: Comments on Wayward Sons

Postby Icy » Thu Jun 12, 2014 9:04 pm

Boltson is soooo gonna be the new Dwarf King, I hope. :P

Ace made a jetpack, yes, but it was as an accessory, he accessorizes....I think making a ship is a bit of a stretch, at least without the help of another casting type. Even then, seige towers were popped by rulers right? And ships are popped with a crew, as that new update shows...Perhaps a Toyship? A doll that can mimic ship abilities?

I've been reading a lot of the fanfics around here lately, and the ones that turn to large ships, helicopters, tanks, etc are less...."erfworldly" to me, as they are using a very earth/human method of warring. Not to say that is bad, but it gives a different feel for sure.

Instead of sticking Earth methods into Erfworld, I wonder what you could come up with by thinking....laterally instead.

Like the update :D
Icy
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jun 02, 2014 12:19 am

Re: Comments on Wayward Sons

Postby GWvsJohn » Fri Jun 13, 2014 7:21 am

I think an airship would be made be a Turnamancer for a self powered vehicle in concert with a Weirdamancer to add the flying special.

That being said, I agree with Icy. Big, complex vehicles and mechanical units are less Erfy IMO.
GWvsJohn
 
Posts: 571
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 9:52 pm

Re: Comments on Wayward Sons

Postby BlackHat » Fri Jun 13, 2014 7:11 pm

I wasn't going to have him build the whole ship, just glue on a dozen jet packs or so. However I do see your point about Erfy-ness. I'm just dying to do more with the magic system. So many sub-classes to play with and sooooooo many super weapons are possible. We havent even seen every mancy in canon yet, and dont get me started on the magic kingdom. Why does no one ever use that resource? if you recruit the casters who take the long walk you'd be damn near unbeatable with your super-spelled tower. Doesn't matter if they're losers or bad casters when you only want them to spell the tower. and wouldn't caster prefer long term contracts? Hell, with a double shockamancer tri-link you'd be the Titan's disbanded death star!

I was hoping to run a bit of a darker story after a light opener. The part I loved most about book one TBfGK was the pastel background of erf, with the horrors of war. The insensitive nature of erf to pop thinking, feeling units, capable of powerful love, only to destroy them in ever more brutal and senseless violence, They make constant war for these little sides and petty squabbles, while the rulers hardly give a thought to the individuals under their command. With the exception of rulers, casters and a few warlords, all other units seem to be extremely expendable in the name of loyalty. My question is, why be loyal to a system that isn't loyal to you? I really want to explore the Fate aspect of Erf, where characters fight Fate and win the happy ending in spite of the Titans' games. As we already know, the war on Fate is brutal, and leaves deep scars.

Anyways, I'm about to unleash Chet's dollamancy. They made the mistake of giving him too much leeway in his orders, and Chet didn't waste his chance.

I would like to point out that in one Turn, Ace made a jetpack, a raygun, a thinking cap, a shield cape, that ragged jockey doll, plus whatever healing he was doing before, and you know he was making more bears to replace their losses, so one turns juice goes a long way.

As far as seige engines, they are listed as items unless they are alive. That being the case I was going to make them a natural dollamancy construct of the dwawv engineers, they way twolls can fabricate. I don't have anything against them being popped, I just think it makes sense for dwawvs to build things.
BlackHat
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Fri May 23, 2014 11:32 pm

Re: Comments on Wayward Sons

Postby GWvsJohn » Fri Jun 13, 2014 7:47 pm

I don't think the physics of Erf work that way. You either have Flight, or you don't. I can't see a Dollamancer making an airship. A wild pack of dwarf jetpack troops however...

I think a lot of what you're pondering comes down to Natural Thinkamancy. Duty, Loyalty, Obedience, these are real things in Erfworld and they are powerful. Even freer thinking units like Casters are fiercely loyal to their sides. They are loyal to the system because they are Loyal to it. Turning from your side isn't something that is easy to entertain. I think it also explains why the MK operates as it does. Once a Caster gets a taste of freedom, they don't want to lose it. It seems they would rather live turn to turn in the MK as independent units than give up their free will for security. On the same token, Turned units are notoriously disloyal. Rulers likely don't want to take the risk of bringing in a formerly barbarian Caster only to have them double cross their new side at the earliest opportunity.

Regarding Ace, I think a fair bit of those items for the King he had at least partially made already, I don't think he crafted them all from scratch on the spot. He also had Cubbins to help.

Regarding Dwawvs and building siege engines, I'm all for it. Just give Dwawv units a special like Siege Masters or something which lets them build and utilize siege engines.
GWvsJohn
 
Posts: 571
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2009 9:52 pm

Re: Comments on Wayward Sons

Postby BlackHat » Sun Jul 13, 2014 8:21 pm

Hello again, sorry that took so long, I had some really nice chunks of story that didn't all fit together smoothly, and it took a lot of finagealing. As Chet goes off to war we will start seeing more characters from the other two sides in Tri Country, and learn a bit more about the queens curse. Lots of juicy scandal to be had there. Also, we will finally get to see Boltson take center stage as new threats rise against Tri C.
BlackHat
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Fri May 23, 2014 11:32 pm

Re: Comments on Wayward Sons

Postby BlackHat » Tue Jul 15, 2014 10:26 am

special thanks to those who participated in the "All about golem" thread, and the "ways to beat hippymancy" thread, the ideas and material were incredibly helpful.
BlackHat
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Fri May 23, 2014 11:32 pm


Return to Fiction, Poetry and Essays

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest