The Rantings and Ravings of Madmen

[Dave Rapp]

Behold, a launchpad for all the inane word-based drivel that spews forth from my sleep-deprived mind.
Insomnia's a bitch; caffeine's a dominatrix.

This first thing is something I put together a few hours ago on a total whim. It's not really about anything. There will be more to come, possibly on the same topic, but equally possibly not so.

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The portal opened with a crackle of static electricity. It resembled a sphere made of glass or water, with the other side visible but somewhat distorted, as light from the other side was refracted in transit. On the other side could be seen grass, the horizon, and the sky, as the portal had opened into an unpopulated area. There was an audible hum created as the portal corrected for the different motion of the worlds on either side. A faint breeze came from it, as the difference of air pressure on either side equalized itself.

"I don't know why, but I pictured it being two-dimensional, with no depth. Just a hole, and when you step through you're on the other side. There wouldn't be any kind of... any kind of..."

"Tunnel?"

"Yeah. It seems to me that for there to be a tunnel, by which I mean for the portal to have depth, the tunnel must be cutting through an area that has dimensions of its own. That would mean that there is a "space" outside of the universes for you to travel through, which is as three-dimensional as our own. Potentially even livable."

"But this portal isn't 3D. It's 5D."

"Five? There are only three dimensions. Length, Width, and Depth. Where are you getting the other two?"

"The fourth is Duration. If an object existed for exactly zero seconds, it wouldn't exist at all. Time is your fourth dimension."

"So this portal goes through time as well as space?"

"That's the wrong way to think of it. The portal goes through spacetime. Space and time, as you recall, are actually the same thing."

"Right, my mistake. What's the fifth dimension?"

"That one I'm not as sure of. I assume that the fifth dimension would define what Universe an object is in, while the fourth defines its location in time within that location, and the other three define its properties in space at that current time."

"That would mean that each property supercedes the ones following it. If I change its location in time, its properties regarding what universe it's in remain the same."

"Which is why plain time travel is so limited. No matter which end of the timeline you arrive at, you can never leave your universe. On the other hand, if you travel between universes, you can put yourself at any time you wish."

"I just thought of something. What if there's a sixth dimension?"

"I can't even imagine what that could possibly be."

"Yes, well, before today I couldn't even imagine what the fifth could be, and I didn't consider the fourth to be a dimension at all."

"Well, assuming the hierarchy continues as is, moving around in the sixth dimension could also relocate you in the other five. And also like the other five, it would be an axis, meaning that movement could only be 'forwards' or 'backwards.' But that doesn't tell us much."

"Maybe that's how your monster gets around without the use of portals. Maybe he's really moving around in a six dimension that we're unaware of, and as he does it, he repositions himself in regards to the other five."

"You've just answered a question I've been pondering ever since I raised him. I would thank you, but I know how little it would mean to you, coming from me."

"You're mistaken. I don't hate you. You're a good man. My problem is with your goals. I'll take thanks when it's offered."

"Hmm. I wish I had your level of compassion. I intend to kill you because I hate you, even though I only hate you for your opposition to my goals."

"If it's any consolation, just because I don't hate you doesn't mean I don't intend to kill you either."

[JohnnyEgregious]

I like it so far, but I'm still not sure if I'll hug you, or give you this cool jacket that makes you hug yourself...

What sort of relationship do you see between these characters? I was just wondering if you had one in mind since I imagined a situation kinda like... Silence of the Lambs? The police or someone getting help from a madman is how I imagine it.

[prototype19]

i am completely incapable of understanding traveling through portals in spacetime but i like the quips at the end...
i pictured this as more of a Dr. Frankenstine Van-Helsing relationship just because the guy with the goals being opposed created the monster that their trying to hunt...

[Dave Rapp]

Here's a list of some words that my friend Patrick can't pronounce properly.

Archive - Comes out as "arch-ive" instead of "ark-ive."

Guilliotine - Comes out as "gill-oh-teen" instead of "gee-uh-teen."

Anon (as in, Anonymous) - Comes out as "ay-non" instead of "uh-non," which is weird because he pronounces Anonymous correctly.

Infinite - Puts the enphasis on the wrong syllable, coming out as "In-FIN-it."

Illinois - Comes out as "Ill-uh-noise." The S is silent, people.

Logitech - Comes out as "log-uh-tech" instead of "lodge-uh-tech." He seems to think that the "log" part comes from the word logarithm.

Incorporate - Comes out as "in-core-pritt" instead of "in-core-per-ate"

Eunuch - Comes out as "you-nitch." I'm not quite sure how eunuchs came up in our day to day conversations.

Misogynist - Comes out as "miss-ogg-un-nist" instead of "miss-ojj-uh-nist," which is odd because he kind of is one.

[Xewleer]

... You really ARE insane. Why does this make so little... but so much sense? WHY!!!

I mispronounce words all the time. Half the time I do it on purpose, the other half, I don't even think about it.

[Dave Rapp]

The Yalta Conference, and Roflcon.

From left to right: Ryan North of Dinosaur Comics, Randall Munroe of xkcd, and Moot of 4chan.

The resemblance is... uncanny.

[prototype19]

you have no capacity for attention do you

[Dave Rapp]

There is a single light gray pixel somewhere in this 500x500 box. See how long it takes you to find it.



Ready? Go.

[Shadyjames]

I love you AND i think you're crazy, but there were less people who said "i love you" so i chose that one to balance it out. The idea of extra dimensions has always fascinated me. On one hand i find tesseracts difficult to grasp, and on the other hand i think string theory is bollocks...but its still interesting either way.
Love the banter at the end too.

edit with regards to above post:
i hate you

[Dave Rapp]

Since this is the Fiction, Poetry, and Essays forum, I figure I should probably post an essay-like substance at some point.

------

Let's say you're reading a comic book or watching a movie or what have you. The writer(s) pull off some brilliant bit of tactics or ideas on the behalf of the character, and what is your initial reaction? I can't speak for the world, but I usually think "My god! How did they think of that?"

But let's take a step back and put us into the minds of the creators. As a person who not only reads a whole slew of webcomic on a regular basis, but also produces one of my own, I am privy to some pseudo-inside knowledge, which, despite its obviousness, a lot of people don't seem to realize.

The writer knows things that you don't. You, as a reader, see things at the beginning and gain new knowledge regarding what is and isn't possible as the writer reveals them to you. Unless you've read the book before, that's the way it always works. But the writer has no such limitations. For every "inescapable" situation the characters find themselves in, the writer knows nothing more or less than EVERYTHING that came beforehand, and everything that's going to happen in the future. Unless they're the writers of Lost, of course.

The fact of the matter is, except for the rare occasion where the writer intends from the get-go to kill off a character, they don't put anyone into a situation unless they already know its resolution. You think the writers of MacGuyver didn't know exactly what Mac was going to build before they stuck him into that week's sticky situation? You think the writers of House don't already know what's wrong with the patient before the doc even comes onscreen?

You don't get anywhere by intentionally giving yourself situations that you have to struggle to solve. If there are any authors out there who actually do make every single little thing up as they go along, I have to applaud them, both for being clever and being an idiot. I myself try to make things up as I go along, but I don't, for example, put my characters into a Mexican standoff unless I already know its resolution. Long before they wrote the final three-way showdown at the end of The Good the Bad and the Ugly, I'm sure the writers knew which characters were going to survive it. If they didn't, they're careless idiots. Definitely gutsy, but still careless.

You might try and imagine how the author possibly managed to come up with such a brilliant solution to the puzzle, but that's backwards. To them, it's not a puzzle and it never was. You see a no-win situation, and are shocked when the character wins out. But it's not even a real situation. The author had the finished picture first, and only shows you pieces of it, just enough for you to see that there is a puzzle, but not nearly enough to solve it. What would be the fun in that? If your audience figures it out before you meant them to, any timing you may have had goes right out the window.

I recall reading a book back in eighth grade, which was a collection of those "whodunit" short stories. I couldn't figure any of them out myself, with one exception. The detective was called in to find out if some caveman cave paintings were real or not. It depicted some cavemen fighting back a large T-rex-like lizard with little spears. But I've known since age six that men and dinosaurs never lived together. (thanks, Bill Nye!) My B.S. alarm went off, and the story was ruined because I had figured it out sooner then I was supposed to. It felt like I had solved a puzzle, and we all know that the real fun of any puzzle is more in the process of trying to figure them out, than in actually finishing them.

Don't ever praise a writer for coming up with a solution to an unbeatable puzzle. That's giving them credit where it isn't due and not giving it where it is. If you want to give praise to an author, praise them for tricking you into thinking a puzzle exists in the first place. It's slight of hand, not puzzle solving. You don't praise a magician for figuring out how to make a ball disappear, you praise them for making it seem as if they had done so.

What you admire in any work of art is the artist's ability to create. Because that's all art really is, just something the artist created. I know that it may seem like an odd statement, especially when you refer to, say, the Mona Lisa. But that's just an old picture of some woman. So what? I can walk down the street with a camera and take a dozen pictures, and they'll be higher resolution too. No, what you admire is the creative process, not so much the end result. If you just want results, go into R&D for the military. Seriously, you'll enjoy it and make a lot of money.

If I were to compare the Mona Lisa to, say, Page #134 of Erfworld: The Battle for Gobwin Knob, you'd think I'm an idiot. And you might be right but at least hear me out. When Leonardo Da Vinci set out to paint the big ML, he had an idea. His method of applying the idea was to put some colored oil onto a poplar panel. And when the creators of Erfworld set out to make #134, they too had an idea. Their method of applying the idea was to make a webcomic strip. Both are art, and both were created from ideas. Who's to say that one idea is better than the other? You can't. Seriously, you just can't. You'd look like an idiot. Ideas are like opinions; there's never a right and wrong, a good and bad, et cetera. All ideas are created equally. Except for that guy who invented the deep-fried Twinkie. He was a brilliant lunatic.

Don't admire the product, be it a clever puzzle or a picture of some Italian woman. What is truly deserving of admiration is the thought that went into it. Those lunatics who spend years working on some white canvas with, say, some crayon scribbling on it, and then hang it in a museum and call it art, aren't as crazy as them seem. Well, they're usually crazy but that's for different reasons. If you think for one second that the author didn't start with a great idea, you're the crazy one.

Seriously, I wouldn't be at all surprised if it turns out that Erfworld came to be, simply because one day Rob or Jamie said something like this:

"Dude. What if some kind of earth mage and a necromancer got together and used their magic to wake up a dormant volcano?"

And what a cool idea it was.

[prototype19]

i agree with everything u just said cept the part about the twinkie guy. he wasnt brilliant. just a lunatic.

[Dave Rapp]

I would like to take a moment to share something.



This is one of the stupidest things I have ever seen on the internet, probably second only to 4chan's infamous "has anyone..." quote. You know the one I'm talking about.

Initially this might not stand out, but take a step back and think about it and you might see a few problems.

Firstly, who the fuck is this guy? He looks like a cross between Megaman and Frieza from Dragonball Z. I guess he's supposed to be a video game character, but could it be any more generic? Look at him, he's got a nondescript gun for an arm and the generic computer 'power on' symbol on his chest.

Oh, I see what the problem is. Look at the top. This is an ad for... Jesus H. Christ, the "Gillette Game Room." Yeah, Gillette. The company that makes razors and stuff. What on earth in this company supposed to have to do with video games?

At the bottom. A big red arcade-style button... ugh, do buttons like this even exist on anything anymore? And dear god, it has the word pwn in it. I'm speechless.

Actually, I guess the ad is a success, because now I'm interested as to what this "game room" is. Hang on, I'll be right back.


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Yeah that was pretty stupid. We're done here.

[Dave Rapp]

I'm not entirely sure what this is.

------

Personal log file, Archpriest of the Wanderer

Concerning the child, Darkeye.

In the standard planetary area of universe 816, there exists not a sun, but a black hole. Someone in the scientific scout team noticed that the radiation it emitted was not being spat out in the usual matter, but apparently had a specific pattern, which could be interpreted as the 1's and 0's that make up binary. A great deal of time was spent monitoring and recording the sequence. When the full sequence was at last recorded, we attempted to translate it into computer code, or perhaps a program. It was gibberish. It as at this point that I intervened personally.

I assigned a large taskforce to translate the code as a sequence of terrestrial DNA. After several months, the encoding sequence was complete and a full genetic sample had been created. We attempted to use standard cloning technology to transform the raw DNA into a living being, however, these attempts failed. Cloning requires the DNA be implanted into the nucleus of another cell of the same species, and the only cells on hand were human’s. We instead modified the sequence so that it would be compatible with human cells. This is why Darkeye so resembles a human being; he is partially one of us.

We were now able to begin the cloning process, however, we ran into further complications early on. The modified DNA did not describe a creature that would be capable of growing and living on its own. We devised a complex series of life support systems to keep the creature alive during the development process, which, after numerous failures, finally succeeded on our 60th attempt. At the time, he was virtually indistinguishable from a human being, save for his most striking feature; the iris seems to take up the entire visible part of the eye, and his pupils are so large that the entire eye often looks black. It was for this reason that I chose to name the child Darkeye.

By the age of three months, the external life support systems were no longer required, and the child could survive on his own, or at least to the degree that any human infant is self-sufficient. His mind developed at a considerably faster pace than a human's. He was able to speak at eight months, and was forming complex sentences before he was a year old. By three years of age, he had the strength and intelligence of a ten-year-old human boy, although he remained under three feet tall.

By age five, Darkeye began to show signs of restlessness and moodiness. He was, as many of his care staff complained, "behaving like a teenager." It was for this reason specifically that I refused to let him leave the facility dedicated to his health and teaching. As I continually was forced to remind staff, Darkeye is not human. We did not know how his species - whatever that might be - would react to the onset of adolescence. For all we knew, he could have entered a cocoon phase. My suspicions proved justified; one morning he was found to be in a state of respiratory failure. We feared the loss of our experiment, but he recovered in a matter of hours. Afterward, Darkeye no longer required atmosphere to survive. We have no explanation.

By age nine, Darkeye seemed to reach his adult size. He had taken up a considerable interest in technology, specifically that related to multiversal travel, trade, and civilization. We kept a close eye on his research material, and over time, we found that he focused less and less on technologies, and more upon the physics that allowed them to function. In hindsight, I believe that this was the beginning of the formulation of the child's escape from our custody. I believe he was subconsciously aware of his supra-human abilities, and was trying to find the method of accessing them. I myself never found the time to examine his research personally. All I know is that, shortly before his eleventh birthday, Darkeye disappeared. We searched his quarters and found traces of portal activity, but security logs showed no evidence of a device used by Darkeye. He had discovered, and successfully implemented, the ability to transfer between Universes at will, without needing any gadgetry of any kind. To my knowledge, no other being or organization in the multiverse has this capability, making Darkeye unique in all of creation.

What we know about what happened next was gathered after our recapture of Darkeye three years after he escaped.

The child traveled all over the Multiverse, into most of the known universes, and a number which he apparently discovered on his own. His capabilities grew considerably over this time period, as he both perfected his own natural abilities, as well as added new ones through the use of technology and magic. A number of devices were grafted directly onto and into his body, including a device implanted into his arm which would be best described as an ‘energy gun’; artificial nerves in his eyes allowing for a visual clarity far superior to any human; some manner of wireless transmitter in his skull allowing for direct interface with many machines; and a 4-inch-diameter metal plate embedded inside his ribcage directly over his heart. In short, Darkeye had made himself into, in my opinion, a monstrous killing machine.

Darkeye was kept in the highest security cell in the facility and was kept sedated, as we feared that he would escape into another universe as he had before. Several council members insisted that he terminated as a failed experiment, as this was clearly not the being we were looking for. I, however, believed that if we were to provide the right persuasion, we could transform Darkeye into a powerful ally. He was, after all, our creation.

I had Darkeye awakened, and chose to speak to him personally. He made no attempt to escape, which I suspect was because he knew that he could shift to another Universe any time he wished. Security logs of our interview could be accessed in the database, but I will transcribe the most significant part as best as I can recall.



Myself: We have technology, knowledge, resources, and influence. Why would you ever want to leave our organization?

Darkeye: I never joined your church. I wouldn’t want to. Its goals are pointless.

Myself: I believe that our goals are actually quite noble.

Darkeye: Don’t fool yourself. We have virtually undeniable evidence of the existence of a god in this multiverse, and your intention is to find him. And do what? Do you even know? Do you even have a plan?

Myself: I believe that his discovery would be an incredibly significant moment in human history.

Darkeye: No it wouldn’t. Not until you know what to do when you finally meet him. If you finally meet him. If he exists.

Myself: He exists. The multiverse was designed specifically with the interest of sentient life forms in mind. It could not have come about by accident.

Darkeye: The primitives of the old single-universe cultures almost always say the same thing about their universes, and their deities. They were wrong. Why aren’t you?

Myself: It’s not a matter of right and wrong. It requires faith.

Darkeye: Faith led to my creation. Do I look like a being that any deity would want running around his creation?



From our conversation, I drew the conclusion that Darkeye was intent on causing wanton death and destruction as large as scale as he was able, with no other reason beyond an illogical desire to cause pain. Clearly he had developed into a sociopath, and I realize now how lucky we were to have captured him before he could officially begin his campaign of murder and demolition. I had him put into stasis before he could have a chance escape from our custody.

At the time of writing, the child has been in deep storage for three decades. Hardly a week goes by without some member at some level in the clergy recommending that he be terminated, but I have no intention of doing so, nor do I intend to let him free. Darkeye remains to be a failed experiment with interesting and disturbing results. Over the years, a number of attempts have been made to duplicate the experiment using either the same DNA sequence of a sequence with different modifications for human capacity. No such attempts have succeeded since Darkeye’s birth yet, and until one does he shall remain a unique being in the multiverse.

[Xewleer]

still, you live up to your story's title

[Dave Rapp]

Terminator Salvation

What can I say? Well, methinks I can say an awful lot, actually. Firstly, here’s a spoiler-free review:

The action was pretty good, but uninspired and presented nothing new. The plot was pretty thin and felt more like an episode of a TV show than that of a feature length film. The dialog was lackluster and poorly spoken. Overall it wasn’t very good. If you have some time to kill, it’s an okay enough movie to go see, but if you’re looking for some hearty entertainment, pick something else.

WARNING- The rest of this post may contain spoilers. You have been warned.

Okay, here’s my biggest problem. Marcus is a new kind of terminator, which is great. So far each movie in the series has introduced a new breed of terminator for us to wrap our heads around. The original unstoppable Ah-nold robot from the first film, the groundbreaking CGI T-1000 from T2, and the sexy and somewhat frightening T-X from T3. I wondered myself what kind of new thing they would come up with for this film, and I wasn’t disappointed. The hybrid Terminator-with-organs is an relatively original idea that has a lot of potential. Because he’s a robot, the audience can believe it when he survives falling 300 feet out of a helicopter into two feet of water and survives. But at the same time, because of his human heart, the writers can have him killed by any random guy with a gun or a knife who gets lucky. This thing could potentially be the greatest action hero evar. Yeah, even better than Captain Yippie-Ki-Yay-Motherfucker.

Here’s the problem. Why the FUCK did they tell about him in the trailer? I can’t even begin to comprehend the reasoning behind that. The movie acted like it was a huge and sudden plot twist, which is what it should have been. But imagine if you went into the Empire Strikes Back knowing ahead of time that Vader was Luke’s father. That whole scene would have been pointless. You can’t make a plot twist out of information we already have. I guess that’s what I get for watching trailers on YouTube. Maybe that’s the point they were trying to make? The Internet is evil? Meh. Old news.

Here’s my second problem. What the fuck happened to Nick Stahl? Actually, no, that’s not the real problem. The movie could have survived having John Connor played by somebody different again. That wasn’t the issue. The real issue is… who put Christian Bale in this movie? Nick Stahl actually looked like the son of the guy who played Kyle Reece in The Terminator. Christian Bale looks like… well… Bruce Wayne. Here, look at a Picture of Kyle Reese.



Now tell me which of these guys looks more like his son.



I also don’t remember Bale being such a terrible actor, but in my defense, I’ve only ever seen him in Batman. You might find this hard to believe, but Bale decided to do that “look-at-me-I-have-throat-cancer” Batman voice for THE ENTIRE MOVIE. I shit you not when I say that every single line that comes out of Bale’s mouth is in his “I-smoke-8-packs-a-day” voice. Worse, it seems to be contagious. Most of the lines that Marcus says around Bale also come out in the “I-drink-sandpaper-martinis” voice. It was honestly painful to hear, especially though the loud Theater speakers.

John Connor issupposed to be the oh-so-important leader of the resistance. So why was he getting bossed around by some guys in a submarine? Okay so maybe these are leftover pre-Judgement Day Generals or something who got to be in charge because they supplied the troops or something. But if they’re in charge, what purpose does Connor serve? It looked to me like he was just some random infantry, and not even an especially good soldier. Why not send a Terminator back in time to kill the real leaders of the resistance, instead of John Connor?

I just realized something. The people listened to John because he was prophesized to be the leader of the resistance by means of Terminators being sent back in time to kill him. Because he is destined to be leader, the resistance is immediately ready to listen to him when the actual leaders, the general guys in the submarine, are killed. If Skynet had not tried to kill John Connor in the past, he would not have been in a position to lead the resistance after the death of the Submarine guys, and therefore, when the submarine guys were killed, the resistance would have disintergrated. In other words, Skynet created John Connor! God these paradoxes are annoying.

Here's another problem I spotted. Skynet singled out Kyle Reese as soon as one of its Terminators sees him. This must mean that Skynet knows that Reese is John’s father. (although how it even knows this is beyond me) Skynet then uses Kyle as bait to lure John to its complex so that John can be Terminated. But WHY DIDN’T IT JUST KILL KYLE? By killing Kyle, John would cease to exist. Wouldn’t it be a million times easier to kill John’s dad than spending years of research into time travel to send Ah-nold back in time to kill his mother? This is supposed to be a ruthless, single-minded, super-intelligent machine, and it elects to invite a HIGHLY TRAINED SOLDIER INTO ITS MOST IMPORTANT FACILITY over killing one teenager. Who wrote this tripe? Wait, lemme check IMDB.

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John D. Brancato and Michael Ferris. Okay, never heard of them, but they were the writers of Catwoman. Yes, THE Catwoman, a film highly regarded as one of the worst movies ever made, ever. I assumed that whoever had written that crap had been put to death or at least fired, but now that I know that these two idiots were allowed to make more movies, I feel as if the entire movie business has been tainted.

Okay, so, overall, it’s a bad movie, but the action does at least keep your attention for the duration. So, as I stated previously, if you’re just looking for something to kill some time, you may as well see it. Just don’t go out of your way.

Movie score:
C-

Final thought:
They called it Terminator Salvation, but what exactly was salvaged? Also, when John got stabbed through the chest, if you didn't instantly see that Marcus would give John his heart, you're probably this movie's target audience.

[Dave Rapp]

I'd like to post something from here.

"There have been so many science fiction TV series and movies about faster-than-light or warp drives for spaceships that most people believe it's only a matter of time before we're able to fly to a distant star with the same ease and speed with which we drive to the corner to get a pizza. Unfortunately, this isn't likely. Based on simple energy considerations it's almost certain that man will never be able to travel to the stars. Similar calculations also indicate that even the almost infinitely easier task of interplanetary travel within our solar system will be limited to a very few, perhaps less than half a dozen, individuals. The sad fact is that humankind is almost certainly going to be confined for all time to this small green planet we can Earth."

If you know a lot of science, you know that this is probably true.

However, the simple fact is that when it comes to predicting what sort of technology we'll have in the future, we've really never been right.

Ever.

Remember Zeppelins?



Yeah, Zeppelins! Those were awesome! Back in the day those seemed like they were going to be all the rage. Lots of old sci-fi from the early 1900's shows them being the primary means of air transport of the FUTURE!

What do we use now?



Nobody predicted that!

Here's an even better example. Back when the Hindenburg wasn't just a disaster, your average room-sized "modern" computer ran at a mere 60 hertz. In comparison, the processor sitting just a few feet from me clocks in at 2,820,090,000 hertz.

No one can predict the rate at which technology will develop. There are so many variables, it just can't be done. I'm not saying that Stephen Hawking will invent the warp drive in the next five years. That's absurd. I'm saying that we can't possibly know when it'll be invented, or even WHAT we will invent. Predicting the future is foolish.

I will say this, however. With virtually unlimited time to ponder a given problem, odds are that a solution will eventually be found. Betting that something will never ever happen seems to me to have much worse odds than betting that, eventually, at some point in the distant future, it will.

[BLANDCorporatio]

Dude, two words.

Flying car.

For every enthusiastic futurologist that said we'd all be flying our own personal vehicle by the end of the century there were 10 no-nonsense pessimists. That, as it happens, turned out to be right.

Likewise, FTL? Most probably, not gonna happen. Not in 5 years, nor 5 million. Nor ever.

By your line of reasoning, it is a safer bet to suppose that a true perpetual motion machine will eventually be invented. Do not hold your breath for that either.

[Xewleer]

air ships. wish we have those

[jioan]

I think we'll blow ourselves up before we get anywhere close to Sci-Fi technology, but hey I've been wrong before and I bet you I will be again.

[Dave Rapp]

I was going to do a review of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

But I got distracted.

And then I forgot.

But now I remembered!

Except it's kind of too late because I forgot the main stuff that I liked and didn't like in the movie. So here's a mini-review.

Warning! Potential spoilers ahead!

---

Every scene with robots fighting in it is way too close up for you to tell what's going on. Out of the dozens of fights between robot A and robot B, I'd say maybe 92% had less than half of each robot in the shot. Combine this with the fact that the robots pretty much all look like the same spiky grayish metal thing up close, and it's not very easy to tell what's going on.

Megan Fox is hot, and I can't blame them for putting in fan service. But she was totally irrelevant to the plot. She really didn't do anything but follow Sam around. I'm tempted to say that she didn't need to be in the movie, but that's not true; every action film needs a hot chick. So what she really needed was some motivation other than being the hero's girlfriend. Hell, even if she was just a damsel in distress, that would've been better. And, hey, it would have given them an excuse to show her tied up. Maybe with ripped clothing. Maybe even a whip involved at some point. I'm getting off-topic.

I'm no expert on Transformers canon, but since when does Megatron work for... anyone? I was under the impression that the supreme leader of the Decepticons, was the supreme leader of the Decepticons. Not this The Fallen guy. Speaking of The Fallen, am I the only one that thought The Fallen doesn't really work as the name for one guy? It definitely sounds plural-ish. Methinks they came up with the name of the movie before coming up with its plot. Goddammit, Hasbro.

Lastly, in regards to the Transformer disguised as a human...... NO. BAD MOVIE. Unstoppable killer robots disguised as humans have been strictly reserved territory since the Terminator-was-an-awesome-movie-and-T2-was-one-of-the-best-action-movies-ever-made acts of 1984 and 1991. You're not authorized to have killer robots disguised as humans, not even if they're hot and have a tail and strangle people with their tongue and totally slut all over the protagonist and wear a minuscule dress when going into combat.

Overall, it's not an impressive movie, but it's certainly not a bad one. I suspect that it would be better on a smaller screen; the huge-ass movie screen only exacerbates the problem of the shots of the giant robots fighting being way too close.

Movie score:
C+

Final thought:
That gigantic wheelie thing they showed in the trailer was implied to have a bigger role in the movie. I liked that thing, whatever it was. Why'd they have to kill it? =(