Orly Tarot Card Readings

Orly Tarot Card Readings

Much like various other forms of predictamancy, tarot card analyses have come to be increasingly prominent and also far more obtainable with the modern technology of the thinkamancy/predictamancy linking. Here at Orly Tarot Card Readings, we offer fortuneteller experts to satisfy your predictamancy needs from anywhere on Erf. 


Techniques of Online Tarot Card Readings


First, obtain a deck of cards! Tarot card readings can be done at any time. We will contact you when you want to use our service, because of course we knew that. Because tarot analyses tend to focus on your needs for a particular turn, you will want to use our tarot reading service at consistent intervals, such as every four to five turns. Because our juice is limited, we will only contact you if we predict you will be willing to afford our reasonable prices (we accept both gems, schmuckers, and items in trade, through our hat magic affiliates). 


The 78 cards are normally separated right into 2 areas. The first section, or Significant Arcana, of 22 takes larger themed "tale" cards via an arc from number 0, the Jester, with number 21, the Hex. The arc of this trip is thought to represent a person's course from level 1 to level 10. The other cards of the Significant Arcana emphasize attributes a unit must experience along life's trip to complete this developing procedure, such as Move, Hits, Combat, and Defense.


The other area is the Minor Arcana of hidden statistics. This segment of cards addresses the unseeable attributes of Loyalty and Score, which add to a tarot card analysis. Each card has its interpretation, such as the Commander card, which typically involves some type of Magic or Leadership being exposed or kept hidden. Depending on the positioning of the card, either the favorable or negative meanings will come out in the interpretation.


Cautions Regarding Orly Tarot Card Readings


Predictamancy does not literally look through time and is intended for entertainment purposes only. Discontinue consultation if any of the following occurs: itching, vertigo, dizziness, tingling in extremities, loss of balance or coordination, slurred speech, temporary blindness, profuse sweating, or heart palpitations. Orly Tarot Card Readings comes with a lifetime warranty. Accept no substitutes!


(Credits: I stole freely from the Erf wiki and other sources to put together this parody post.)


(NOTE: User was awarded 25 Shmuckers for this post. -Rob)


  • falcore51

    I approve of this parody.  

  • Salvage

     I was so very annoyed by those ads. Now I think they were almost worth it, almost.Thank you Cayzle.(No sarcasm intended)

  • SomeGuy411

    I almost skipped this, thinking it was just another ad post, then saw carnymancy. This was well done. I could actually see this being posted in the MK, although Significant Arcana caused me to pause for a moment, paired with Minor Arcana, instead of Major/Minor. I suppose that erfworlders would see it as "Stuff that matters", and thus significant, and "stuff that gets in the way of stuff that matters", thus minor, as often as not though

  • Red

    I had to double check to avoid deleting this post, too. Well done, Cayzle.

  • Cayzle

    Thanks everybody! For anyone late to the party, this is a parody of an actual spam ad posted for online tarot readings. The Bicycle Card Kickstarter was wrapping up, and I could not resist the timing. Red, I almost wish you had not deleted the original -- Not!

  • Xellos

    Topkek. youtu.be/f-07s9oYNXA

  • Keybounce

    I cannot help but say that when I first saw this, I thought it would be a service to say "We'll translate a tarrot card reading into Erf terms", i.e. -- you tell the person what cards you drew, and they gave you an erf-style reading of those cards.


    I did NOT see the original being spoofed.


  • Cayzle

    I can see it now ... "The Dirtamancer crosses you, and the Tower crowns you. But the Tower is inverted, signifying that it is out of juice ... Be wary of a warlord who is not as perfect as he seems ... Avoid thinkagrams from carnymancers ... Look for the Queen of Wands ..."


    Maybe after the regular deck is done, we can get a tarot version? :-)