By Cactuar Comments (80) (Tipped by 192 people!)

Seized with a powerful urge to waste all of my time juice yesterday, I decided to try some dollamancy! Hadn't crocheted in forever, so it was pretty fun making this little guy. I was freehanding, but I might try my hand at maybe refining and transcribing a pattern. (ETA: Timelapsed Video of making Chickpea) 



(NOTE: User was awarded 50 shmuckers for this post. -Rob)


  • Firefly



    It was referred to as sexual harassment because it *was* sexual harassment.

    Do you know why sexual harassment hasn't been eliminated or at least drastically reduced in the "enlightened" 21st century? Because there are always people like you who are telling the victims of it (and their defenders) that "it wasn't that bad" or "you shouldn't be offended" or even "It's a COMPLIMENT!" What PurpleRed did first was shameful. What he did next was shameful and stupid.

    And what YOU did is precisely why people like him still feel free to do it.

    It is ONE person's privilege to say "It's no big deal," and it sure as hell isn't you or PurpleRed. It was Cactuar's. And she didn't say that.

    PurpleRed treated her in a way that should only be done with that person's prior consent. And although you didn't exactly defend him, you may as well have done so, because you spent more energy attacking the people who RIGHTLY called him out for it than you did attacking him.

    Maybe it's just me, but the place I'd draw the line between Sexual Harassment and Not Sexual Harassment is the line between nobody at all being offended and anything else.


  • Firefly

    @Cactuar: Your Dollamancy is AMAZING. Would tip if I could. What you've received from others is completely deserved, though!

  • PaintCaster

    "Maybe it's just me, but the place I'd draw the line between Sexual Harassment and Not Sexual Harassment is the line between nobody at all being offended and anything else."

    Yeah, thats you.
    And mayby several other highly sensitive but not very realistic people.

    "Nobody at all being offended" is a thing that does NOT exist!
    Thats extremely naive - everything offends somebody.
    Look at politics - people can not order condiments without other people being offended.

    If that is the definition, the standard you would like to attain, you are setting yourself up to die dissapointed.

    It would be interesting to hear Cactuars voice here - did she feel offended or pressured?
    Or did she think the same thing when she saw the picteres next to each other? "would`ve been even better in a dress though" or something like that?
    Because THAT is the relevant thing - has the person towards wich the words where directed felt uncomfortable with it?
    You cannot go around feeling "harrased" in stead of other people.
    Even if you believe by that you are just the noble, strong one who dares call it out for the shy and weak ones.


    Sexual harassment is a real and problematic thing.
    The way you cry "wolf" here - on banter in a textual online-medium between people who do not even know each other - does not help your case. At all.
    You devalue und relativise real sexual harassment by calling this the same name.
    In schools an offices, where real people are pressured and tortured, touched and shamed.
    This is not that!


    Another thing: Yes, I do invest a lot of energy into this posting.
    To defend harassers? Because I want women to be powerless and shamed? Because I myself do that stuff and dont want to be disturbed in my sexism?

    Because I really, really belive that this kind of overkill really hurts the discussion. A disussion I take part in in everyday life, with conviction.
    People being attacked for "sexual harassment" because of something like that, will react by not taking the whole thing serious in the future.
    Really - the Boy who called wolf IS kind of fitting, although you surely dont prank but believe  you are in the right.

    I really believe your sensitivity in that regard is shiftet several notches further than that of most other people.
    One could say hair-triggered. That is not helpful, but alienates everybody not of the exact same position you are in.

    I do not believe for one second, that all my writing in my third language will persuade you.
    But I do not like extreme spectrum views to stand unanswered.
    This is not sexual harassment.


  • Firefly


    1) I'm going to ignore the politics reference. That's a different arena with different rules and it thrives on conflict itself. Not comparable.

    2) Was Cactuar offended? Sure looked that way, because A) she directly thanked Isben for telling PurpleRed to cut it out, and B) she also said in her post that she was grateful for all the posts EXCEPT PURPLERED'S. If you think I'm reading in and she wasn't offended, you're clearly too desensitized to this issue to argue intelligently on it.

    and 3) Was it even sexual harassment in the first place? You say no, I say yes. PurpleRed "felt compelled to bring the subject up" because of "great skin tone." Yet, if his interest were strictly about accuracy in the parallels between the pictures, he completely forgot about the fact that in Cactuar's pic, she's not even showing her face, smiling fondly down at her creation. Seemed a pretty dramatic difference from the original pic to me. He could have said that, for strict accuracy, she'd need to do that, but that he understood not wanting to put her identity on this forum. But he didn't do that. He focused on skin and boobs. It was objectifying. And if you don't see that, you don't know as much about the issue as you think you do.

    Yes, I'll agree that there are different degrees of sexual harassment. It probably would have been worse if he'd just come out and said "SHOW US YOUR BEWBS, HURR HURR." Doesn't matter. He veiled his objectification in a compliment about her skill. Guys have been taught since birth that women will respond positively to praise about their physicality, when in reality, the majority of the time when it comes from strangers, they're *lucky* if it doesn't come across as creepy, and women know that just smiling and escaping the situation is less likely to get it escalated than standing their ground and saying "YOU'RE SQUICKING ME OUT AND IT'S NOT OKAY." Just because Cactuar doesn't call PurpleRed on it to his face doesn't mean she's not irritated.

    And lastly, -1 for the humblebrag about being triligual. I don't care if you speak eighty languages if you dismiss sexual harassment in a single one of them.

  • cu

    What Firefly said.

    Cactuar is obviously a very intelligent human being with unquestionable attention to details, and she can very well tell all the differences between her picture and the original illustration by herself, thank you very much.

    From the picture she posted it is abundantly clear to any minimally sensitive person that she wished the focus of her contribution to be that marvellous Etsi gurumi she came up with, and otherwise she wanted to remain private. It is a privilege for us that she shared her labor of love for a very emotional moment in the story.

    But some dickhead had to bring up her cleavage and skin tone and pollute a so far perfectly fine celebration of craft and skill. yell Aren't there enough flesh pixels out there in the internets that you have to ask for more from someone who obviously isn't interested in providing you with that kind of entertainment?

    Calling him out is not crying wolf, it is teaching him and everyone else reading that he was being, at the very least, impolite and importune. Even if there are, as Firefly eloquently said, stronger forms of harassment, that doesn't mean the lesser ones shouldn't be called out. There is something called proportion. Since Paintcaster likes analogies, speeding tickets are small punishments for small transgressions. Their existence don't desensitize us from assault, rape or murder.